rryokkan

I'm a bit (very) dramatic, I hope you don't mind.

"Idk where to begin. This feels when, on the first day of school, the teachers tell everyone to write three things about themselves, u just draw a blank. And when you finally write something, it's the most generic thing in the world, bcs... what am I supposed to write?"

Hmm, that's a good introduction to my novel/life. I hate classes as you can probably tell, both in the past and present, and I think it's cuz I never really had friends. I'm not saying I didn't know people, but these girls were really mean: they would hide from me during recess! Or sometimes they treated me badly. I'm not trying to be naive about this; I was never mean to any of them. I just wanted to be friends with them. I never understood why they were so mean. They even formed a "club" with people who didn't like me. They were crazy! I never did anything... Really anythin!

My mom said, like yours probably does too, "They're jealous of you for being pretty and smart." But why would girls under 10 be interested in that? Back then, all I wanted to do was play, go roller skating, and have an L.O.L. Surprise doll. I would have been jealous, in a good way, if they'd had one! Weird kids... I wasn't even that pretty when I was little! I had a big forehead, was much taller than the other girls, and was so quiet I seemed odd. I did well cuz I actually paid attention in class. Some of them might have been going through tough times at home, but it wasn't my fault (¬_¬")

After a while and many school changes (I'm not being dramatic about that, I was in four schools!), I stopped trying to make friends. I had accepted my solitary life (ᴗ_ ᴗ。). And sometimes I would talk to a few people, not many, and I would hang out with a small group of people who didn't seem uncomfortable around me (I want to believe) and spend time with them. I'm too lazy to remember what happened next, but I met a girl, we were friends until things got complicated, then I met another girl who introduced me to more girls and I hung out with them for a while (we even went on trips together with one of their families), but things got complicated too. Then I became friends with another girl and things got complicated again, and well, I won't go on too long. It's a cycle that repeats itself quite a bit. I'm not proud of it, but it's part of my life, whether I like it or not...

✚ I really enjoy video games, whether on my phone, PlayStation, or PC. My favorite games are: Alice: Madness Returns, Needy Girl Overdoes, Saihate Station, DDLC, Wild Rift (or LOL, however you call it), Everskies, Life is Strange, The Last of Us, Fortnite, and Yandere Simulator. They're quite varied, but I enjoy every single one.

✚ I also like fashion, and I enjoy mixing it with collages cuz I see fashion, or certain styles, as a concept, like a bubble. Maybe you don't fully understand, and I'd love to show you my Pinterest boards so you can see my idea, but I have way tooooo many accounts. But if you want to get my idea, I suppose what comes closest to how I see it are these videos with background music that show a lot of photos that give off the same vibe. I hope that helps (ᵕ—ᴗ—).

✚ I like movies, I've seen many; some alone and others with my grandfather, who also likes movies. I don't know what my first movie was: maybe it was an animated one or something like that, but it didn't make much of an impression on me. My favorite movie genre is horror, even though my first experience with one was terrifying. I was scared for days after seeing it! The worst part is ...it wasn't the whole movie, just one part. And that wonderful movie was *The Conjuring*—specifically, near the end. You can't blame me for getting scared; it’s truly terrifying and one of the few good horror movies out there these days. I also think the *Insidious* movies are really good—and so creepy. They don't scare me anymore (well, I'm lying a little; sometimes they can still give me a fright or leave me terrified (ó﹏ò｡)). Another really good one is *The Possession*, which also scared me—and my grandpa was the one who showed it to me! Traitor... even so, I love those movies.

Obviously, I don't just watch those kinds of movies. I like Adam Sandler movies—the ones featuring him, all his friends, and his daughters when they were little. I don't like the ones with his older daughters; they're a bit boring to me. I also enjoy movies like "The Virgin Suicides", "I Believe in Unicorns", "Uptown Girls", "Little Miss Sunshine", "Mid90s", "Kill Bill", and many, many more.

ook

I met my gorgeous boy around March 2025. Idk exactly when I first saw him and got hooked, but I def remember it was cuz of how cute he looked. Ngl, for a minute I mixed him up with another guy cuz they looked so similar for me, though the other guy wasn't anywhere near as cute as my boy. It didn't last long though, one day it just clicked that they weren't the same person and I never mixed them up again. After that, I started lowkey watching him with my friends (pretty creepy, ik, but I never did anything other than look at him and take a few pics/vids here and there) and I watched him for quite a while. I started dressing up a bit more pretty for class even though he wouldn't look at me or even know who I was, but I wanted to look cute for him (smh, so weird). I’d looking for him on the school's social media posts (and found him a bunch of times), and I’d hang out outside my friends' classroom cuz his classroom was one floor down and I could see him from there. It wasn't always like that though, cuz I’d also walk around with my friends, but it made me sad when I didn't see him. Once I found out his name, I asked a teacher stuff about him. This teacher actually helped me a lot, he’d tell me tons of things and thanks to him I found out for the first time that my boy thought I was cute. I talked about him 24/7, pretty much everyone who knew me or talked to me knew about him and how much I loved watching him.

Like I said, idk his name at first, so I just called him "my boyfriend" (ur girl was delu, ik, but I bet whoever's reading this has done it too, don't even play). I finally found out his name one day when I saw him with a girl who was friends with one of my friends. She very kindly offered to go ask that girl for his name. She told us, but I'm not gonna say it here cuz that'd make me feel even creepier.

After that, things were pretty chill for a while, just watching him and calling him "my boyfriend xxx.". But then, one day I saw him with another girl. I won't say much about her, except that I didn't think she was pretty, and honestly, neither did my boy (he recently told me what went down with her, and she’s literally crazy btw!!). But back then I didn't know, so I thought they were dating. And look, I might be crazy about him, but if he’s cuffed, I’m not stepping in. So, I stopped looking for him during breaks. It wasn't even that hard anyway, cuz he stopped showing up to class, and on the few days he did, he wouldn't leave his classroom. But I’d be lying if I said I actually moved on, cuz I love him so much that it was physically painful not to look for him during breaks. So, I just gave up and went right back to watching him and looking for him like before.

Just to clarify, during 2025 I was talking to this other guy. I didn't really like him like that, but I’d talk to him just cuz I couldn't talk to my boy. Whenever I wasn't looking for my boy, it was either cuz I was talking to this other guy or cuz I’d occasionally get bored of just staring at my boy without being able to actually talk to him. That never lasted long though, and I’d always go right back to loving him just as much.